I’d like to say that I won Tulsan of the Month, but I wasn’t even a close second. I didn’t win my own award. This month’s winner stomped the competition, but were the voters eligible? The winner has a pattern of using non-eligible individuals.
At least I don’t have to worry about battling 666BOI for Tulsan of the Year.
Which tights-wearing superhero with the rockin’ body won October’s Tulsan of the Month? See the winner after the jump.
P.S. The nominees for Tulsan of the Week are running a tight race. I need some tie breaking votes before I can announce the winner Saturday. Click here to vote.
A few years ago I got sick; it was the absolute sickest I have ever been.
After spending three days in Baptist hospital, countless vials of blood, a non-stop delusional high fever and a brutal bout of constant diarrhea, the doctors came to the conclusion that I had food poisoning, specifically Campylobacter.
After a thorough interview of everything I had eaten or drank leading up to admittance into the hospital they decided it was most likely contracted from bad dairy products.
Prior to this horrific sickness I had always tried to very aware of food expiration dates. However after what I can only refer to the worst three days of my life, I consider safe-dairy to be as important as safe-sex.
Originally posted November 10, 2008.)
As a child, I was considered “athletically challenged.” I could not catch or throw a ball to save my life. Despite that fact, I played tee ball one year in elementary school.
The one time I did catch a ball was an accident. Actually, I didn’t really catch the ball. The ball landed in my glove.
I stood in right field with my left hand up. I pretended to be ready to catch. The truth is, I wasn’t paying attention to the game. I was thinking about the amusement park I wanted to build with Legos.
As I planned the details of my Lego Ferris wheel, I heard the crowd scream, “throw it!”
I looked around to figure out whom this idiot was that wasn’t “throwing it.” Turns out I was the idiot.
Even at 8-years-old, I liked the word idiot.
The ball had landed in my glove.
I threw the ball as hard as I could, three, four, twelve times. Each time I threw the ball, it landed two-feet in front of me.
Little did I know that ten years later my inability to catch would come back to haunt me in a high school egg toss. That’s a story for later.
One day I’m playing alone in my backyard and one of the neighborhood bullies starts to throw rocks at me.
It was Turdlips. His real name was Jeremy, but I called him Turdlips because of he had big pouty lips and his mouth was shaped like an “O.” I believed this was caused because he sucked on cat turds. Also, I didn’t like him. This, of course, was before big pouty lips were in style.
I picked up one of the rocks and threw it back.
I hit Turdlips.
30 Things About the Mayoral Candidates You Didn’t Know … Mainly Because They’re Not True
As we inch close to next week’s mayoral election, the mudslinging should become more intense. Republican nominee Dewey Bartlett Jr. claims that democratic nominee Tom Adelson, is light on child molesters. Adelson claims Bartlett is an a******.
Not to be left out, independent nominee, Mark Perkins is standing in the corner. His best chance to win is to say a little as possible, unless he’s forced to talk at a panel.
Before you can make an educated decision on which candidate should further run the city into the ground, there are several things about the candidates you may not know … mainly because they’re not true.
Tom Adelson
1. To increase City Hall productivity, plans to revoke everyone’s right to go home at the end of the day.
2. Anytime a city council meeting gets heated, will put fingers in ears and sing “la la la la.”
3. Hates milk and considers himself an anti-lactate.
4. If elected mayor, vows to personally do body cavity searches on anyone entering City Hall.
5. Pledges to no longer giggle when he hears the name of the popular outdoor toy, “Fun Noodle.”
Click here to continue reading and to see the other candidates
QuikTrip has a few new sandwiches, perfect for a fast and healthy lunch, yes *healthy. The Oven-Roasted Turkey Sandwich with Cheddar on 100% Whole Wheat Bread has three T essentials: turkey, tomatoes and taste. It also has the cheese, lettuce and mayo that’s necessary for a decent sandwich. I thought it looked small when I bought it, but it filled me up. Satisfaction.
(*Compared to the crap you’d buy at McDonald’s.)
Because of a shortfall in sales tax revenue, it looks like your city might have to layoff a few workers too. The City of Tulsa cut 37. Twenty-one of them were police.
Good thing that meth problem’s under control.
When taking photos for a post, I usually take at least three shots, but only use one. There are several pictures from Tulsa’s Sleaziest Shopping Centers that I didn’t use. There are also a few shopping centers that didn’t make the list. Here are the outtakes from that shoot. Enjoy.
October has ended. Now it’s time to get gorge on the leftover candy we purposely bought too much of and vote for Tulsan of the Month. It’s a choice among the TU Mascot, Occasionally Funny Blogger, Troubled Coach or the WNBA Team.
A month full of sports winners … and then there’s me. What’s wrong with you people?
Vote after the jump. Voting has ended. Click here for the winner.
It’s Halloween and like many others, you still don’t have a costume. If you’re like me, you had no intention of dressing up. Then, at the last second you changed your mind and ran to the store, but only found a 2-for-1 bin full of Kate Gosselin wigs. If you’re also like me, you’d rather set fire to that bin than see another f***ing Gosselin wig.
There’s also a chance that money is tight.
If you need a quick and affordable costume that you can make from objects around your house, here’s the annual list of Last Minute Costume Ideas.
10. Tie a cat to your forearm. Clasp your hands together and spin around. Let the screaming kitty become the roar in your adaptation of a Tornado Siren.
9. Shave your pubes and tape them to your head to become a Jonas Brother.
