Tulsa County Fair Board Continues Un-Expansion

(Fake News Article)

The Tulsa County Fair Board continued their un-expansion Tuesday with the eviction of the Golden Driller.

“The Golden Driller was unable to provide us with a solid business plan,” said Randi Miller, Tulsa County Fair Board Chairman, “He has to be let go.”

With Bell’s eviction, the upcoming Driller’s move and the renaming of the EXPO center to the Quiktrip Center, the TCFB continues to disappoint taxpayers of Tulsa County.

“I’m sure gonna miss the giant,” said Cletus Otis, disappointed Tulsa taxpayer.  “It’s not gonna be the same waking up every morning, looking out my backdoor and screaming ‘Bejebus!’ at the giant man looking at me.  He gets me every time.”

Rick Bjorkland, Fairgrounds CEO, said the decision is a proper business decision.

“The Golden Driller has paid no taxes or rent since he moved in,” Bjorkland, said, “after more than 30-years, his eviction was overdue.”

            Surrounding communities have courted the Golden Driller since the announcement.

“I know he’s been offered a job as a scarecrow in a farm in Beaver,” Miller said.  “Also, a local company, which I can’t name yet, is in talks to turn him into the world’s tallest Quiktrip.”

The bill for the eviction will cost taxpayers $5 million. 

“I know that seems like a lot of money,” Bjorkland said, “ but a least it’s not mine.  Seriously, $5 million is nothing compared to what I’ve wasted.”

The construction of the parking lot in the former Bell’s location cost $25 million.  The glowing lights on top the Quiktrip center cost $600,000, and only worked for one year.

“Lights?” Bjorkland said.  “I forgot about those.”

Plans for the Golden Driller’s location has not been decided.

“We may turn the location into a parking lot,” Miller said.  “We could always use six more spaces.”

The Golden Driller may also be replaced with a giant Quiktrip cup. 

(Artist rendition of the Golden Driller’s possible home.)