Sally Kern Shocked to Discover Slavery Ended

    (Satire.  Fake news article.)   Oklahoma State Representative Extremist Bigot, Sally Kern (R-District 84), discovered Wednesday that slavery ended more than 130 years ago. 

During a speech to a class of 2^nd grade students at George Washington Carver Elementary, Kern referenced her beloved slave “Mimi” as the backbone of her plantation.

History teacher, Mr. Thompson, interrupted Kern and explained to the students that slavery ended in 1870.

“You’re shitting me,” said Kern. 

Kern recently created controversy with her comments about homosexuals and terrorists.

 “I’m not surprised by her statements,” said Thompson. “She doesn’t seem to know what decade, much less century, we’re in.”

 Kern continued her speech with a discussion about the unicorns and leprechauns that live on her farm.

“Unicorns are real,” Kern said.  “They’re as real as leprechauns, the boogie man and my son’s heterosexuality.”

Stacey, Carver 2^nd grader, stood up and called Kern a stupid poo-poo head.

Kern said Stacey was poo-poo terrorist head, and that she would not apologize for any of her statements.

“I don’t think people even want an apology anymore, they just want her to shut-up” Thomphson said. 

Stacey ran out the room crying.  

According to Kern, there are no plans to free Mimi.

“I from Russia,” Mimi said, “I vant husband.”

Mimi, whom is not a slave, is actually a purchased Russian bride.

Kern is scheduled to speak at a pro-choice rally Friday.