Sonic’s Oily Mouth Film

It was 5:00 p.m. and I was on my way home from work.  I didn’t feel like cooking, so I stopped at Sonic.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to Sonic.  And like everybody else, I go there for one thing … the drinks.  I love their ice.  Who doesn’t love Sonic ice?

I order a number one.  A simple order: burger, tator-tots and a Route 44 Dr Pepper.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m still waiting. 

One of the carhops, whom I will call carslugs because they move slowly, brought an order to car next to me.  She notices the traffic on the road.

“Look at that traffic,” Carslug said.  “I wonder what happened?”

“What happened is called rush hour.  It’s 5:00 in the afternoon,” I said.

That wasn’t supposed to come out.  That thought was should’ve stayed in my head.  Maybe she didn’t hear me.

Carslug glares at me.  Yeah, she heard me.

She went back into Sonic.  Probably spit in my burger.  I believe in karma and I’m sure I hurt myself somewhere

I have an ADD moment and notice the drive-thru.  Why does Sonic have a drive-thru?  It’s a drive-in restaurant.  No one gets out of their car.  I don’t get the concept of a Sonic drive-thru.  That would be like an Applebee’s having a snack bar, or Wal-Mart having a gift shop.

 

Five minutes later, my meal arrives.

I looked at her nametag.  Her name is Stacy.

“That will be $6.50,” Stacy said.

I hand Stacy $10. 

“I don’t have any change,” Stacy said, “I’ll be right back.”

Ten minutes later Stacy comes back.  It was just long enough for my food to get cold.

“Here you go, $2.50,” Stacy said. 

She quickly walked away and shorted me one dollar.

“Now you walk fast,” I said.

            I didn’t care if she heard me this time.  I should’ve pushed the button for my dollar, but I didn’t feel like waiting another 30 minutes.

Before I leave, I check my burger.  I pull out the patty and hold it up to the window.  What happened to Sonic burgers?  I think they’ve gotten smaller.  I can actually see through my patty.   At least it helps if you’re looking for spit.

I leave.

I’m driving down the road and decide to eat one tator-tot.  One won’t hurt, right? 

I push that first tot in my mouth.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

It tastes like … eww … it tastes like … like … like I gargled with vegetable oil.

How do I get this taste out of my mouth?  It feels like there’s a film of oil on my tongue.

            I drink my route 44.  I can’t taste the Dr Pepper, but I can still taste the oil.

            I eat ice.  Still, the oily film is in my mouth. 

            I scrape my fingernails on my tongue.  I can’t get rid of the film.  Eww.

            The film spreads from my tongue to my entire mouth.

            I run into my house and brush my teeth six times.  I can still taste the oil.

I feel like I need to shave my tongue and sandpaper the roof of my mouth.

            I give my dog the meal.  My dog, which enjoys dead squirrels, toilet water and eating out of the cat box, snubbed her nose at the Sonic meal.

            Even my 65-pound German Sheppard knows better than to eat Sonic. 

Well, at least I have a Sonic mint.  I guess that can be my dinner.

I take the mint out of the wrapping and put it in my mouth.

Eww.