Pimpin’ for Potholes.

Tulsa only needs $1.6 billion to fix the city streets.  To achieve this, another committee has formed, the “Complete Our Streets Task Force.”                       

            If you’re not familiar with committees, what normally happens is that people who have no clue about the subject are in charge.  They choose the best ways to waste money, drag the issue and point fingers. 

            Committees are also excellent ways to justify your existence.  If you’re on a committee, you somehow feel important.  You feel … like you’re doing something.

If you don’t live in Tulsa, you may not be familiar with our roads.  There are six potholes for every square foot.  A group of dedicated city employees fills the same holes over and over again.  Each time it rains, there’s a small breeze, the sun shines, a cat meows or an angel farts, the pothole reappears.  I think it’s because a mixture of pudding and oatmeal is used for road repair.

            Obviously, the wrong holes are being filled or our roads would not be in this condition.

The “Complete Our Streets Task Force” recommends the usual quick-fix solutions for raising money:  a bond issue to raise utilities, sales tax increase and lobbying the Oklahoma Legislature.

            I think I have a solution, a bake sale.

            It worked in elementary school.           

            When we needed crayons, we had a bake sale.  If we needed books, we had a bake sale.  When we bought the gift for our art teacher after her hysterectomy, the money came from a bake sale.  We called it “Hysterectorama ’83.”

            Even today, school organizations have bake sales.

            Why not the city?

            I’d love to see Mayor Kathy Taylor behind a wooden stand selling cupcakes.  I’d buy ten.

            I just want to hear Taylor say, “How do you like these cakes?” so I can respond, “Your cakes are nice, those pastries are too.”

            It could be hot.

            They could have fun with this.  Foods could have cutesy names like “Savior Taylor’s Angel Food Delight,” or “Randi Miller’s Incompetent Twat Devil’s Food Cake.”

            The whole “Complete Our Streets Task Force” could bake.  They claim more than 150 committee members.

            If not a bake sale, how about the “World’s Finest Chocolate?”

            We sold those candy bars to raise money for our elementary school, why can’t the city sell them too.  The committee could go door-to-door, stand outside Reasor’s and sell candy-bars at work.

            We’ve been pimping out our kids with the “World’s Finest Chocolate” for decades, and now it’s time to pimp out our city leaders.

            I’ll send in the first dollar. 

It’s not to the fix the roads though; it’s for the committee to buy a clue … or maybe, cake mix.