(Fake News. Satire.)
The Society of Tulsa Downlowers protested Quiktrip’s proposed park project Monday.
Quiktrip plans to build a new plaza and park to commemorate its 50th anniversary at 41st and Riverside.
The current playground is a popular meeting place for men who enjoy anonymous sexually charged heterosexual gay sex.
Thousands of men on the downlow will be forced to find new meeting places for hot man-to-man action.
“This is blatant bigotry,” said Clyde Midia, STD President. “This has nothing to do with race. It’s about freedom.”
Quiktrip Corp. President, Chris Fondue, said the park is a way to give back to the community. The STD disagrees.
“As a heterosexual man, who enjoys the sexual comfort of another heterosexual man, I can say this doesn’t give. It takes away. It takes away the rights of the STD,” Midia said.
Midia, who said he is not gay, believes people do not understand the world of the downlowers.
“Just because I enjoy munching on nachos,” Midia said, “doesn’t mean I can’t use a Dirty Sanchez every now and then.”
Garno Rhea, STD member, believes there is a double standard in heterosexual gay sex.
“Sure, when you have sex with your hunting buddy, it’s turned into a movie,” Rhea said, “but when it’s anonymously done in a park bathroom, everyone’s a critic.”
Midia said the restroom at 41st would be missed the most.
“It’s heartbreaking to lose this restroom,” Midia said. “I’ve met and done a lot of people in that room.”
The new park will include a plaza, trail, playground and an interactive water feature, which will replace the current interactive water sports.
The park will be finished next spring.
The STD plans to choose a new location in August, after their summer festivities.
