World’s Oldest Person Dies at Surprise Party

(Fake News.  Satire.)

     The world’s oldest person died Tuesday after her family threw her a surprise party.

     Ruby Evans, former official world’s oldest person, fell over dead from a heart attack after her family jumped from behind the curtains and yelled “Surprise!”

     The surprise party was not the first for Evans, but would have been the first she remembered.

     “Her mind was gone by age 92,” said Gloria Evans, 42, Ruby’s great-great-great-granddaughter.  “She would have loved seeing her family, if she knew who any of us were.”

     Family members said they appreciated being with Evans during her last moments.

     “She said something like ‘gah’ and ‘you’re killing me,’” Gloria said.  “She was always a jokester.  We thought she was kidding.”

     The party lasted two hours before one family member thought Ruby’s joke went too long.

     “She was cold,” said Lilli Evans, 5.  “It was icky.”

     Lilli has created an art collection in remembrance of Ruby, called “Harvest.”  The collection features ghosts, crying children and tall figures in hooded black robes.

    “The man with no skin on his finger pointed at me,” Lilli said.  ”Mommy couldn’t see him.”

     Gloria said Lillie has picked up Ruby’s sense of humor.

     “She keeps spinning her head like an owl and vomiting,” Gloria said.  “It’s just a phase.  We all went through it.”

     Lilli’s art has extended to poetry.

     “The destiny of the lost is a place in the lake of fire,” Lilli screamed.

     Ruby would have celebrated her 123^rd birthday.