Slow for the Toby Zone

     California Department of Transportation runs a campaign called “Slow for the Cone Zone.”  It is a public awareness campaign to lower the number of collisions in construction zones.

     Oklahoma Department of Transportation has started a similar campaign cleverly titled “Slow for the Cone Zone.”  Fifty-three ODOT workers have been killed because of work zone accidents.

     Could we not come up with a better campaign?

     There is an alternative to the “Slow for the Cone Zone” campaign that Oklahomans would understand, and slow down for.  It’s called for “Slow for the Toby Zone.”

     Instead of small “Slow for the Cone Zone” signs that nobody will pay attention to, what we need is a 50-feet tall cutout of Toby Keith’s head. 

     The head could be placed on the lanes next to the construction zone and drivers must drive through the mouth of Toby Keith.

     Once inside the mouth, drivers will travel down a long tunnel to the frightening brain of Toby Keith:

     Some of the features of “Slow for the Toby Zone” would be:

     1)    Horses drinking beer.

     2)    Angry Americans.

     3)    A picture window of people eating in Toby Keith’s I Love this Bar & Grill restaurant.    

     4)    A drunk Whiskey Girl, with no teeth.

     5)    An audio clip of “I Wanna Talk About Me,” skipping like a broken record.  “I wanna talk about meh-I      wanna talk about meh-I wanna talk about meh-I wanna talk about meh.”

     6)    A giant oil painting of Toby Keith on a fur rug saying, “Who’s Your Daddy?”

     7)    And finally, Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks will sign autographed copies of her FUTK (Friends United in Truth and Kindness) fashion line.

     The Shock’n Y’all value of Toby Keith’s mind will force drivers to slow down.  It could also encourage drivers to find alternate routes and stay away from construction zones.

     Construction crews are safe, and we avoid Toby Keith’s mind.

     Everyone wins.