(Fake News. Satire. This is a joke.)
British seer Madonna admitted Thursday that her apocalyptic warning was incorrect.
In April, Madonna announced that she only had four minutes to save the world.
Madonna, along with Justin Timberlake, frantically sang and danced to draw attention to her message.
When the world didn’t end, Madonna and Timberlake rechecked their formula.
Madonna misplaced the decimal point.
“Turns out we actually have four months to save the world, not four minutes,” Madonna said.
To save the world, Madonna vowed to adopt all of Malawi.
“Since we only have four months left, adoptions have become amazingly easy,” Madonna said.
Millions of fans mistook her message as her new single, and did not follow her advice of “grabbing a boy or grabbing a girl.”
“When we were dancing through the streets we weren’t trying to make a video dawg,” Timberlake said. “We was just trying to front our message.”
Madonna also persuaded Timbaland to join.
“As soon I has heard her warning, I panicked,” Timbaland said. “All I could do was repeat ‘I’m out of time and all I got is four minutes, four minutes, hey.’”
He said he found the outcome embarrassing.
”It took me years to develop street cred,” Timbaland said. ”If four minutes, this crazy chick ruined that.”
PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, criticized Madonna’s message.
“She said grab a boy, and he said grab a girl,” said Dorothy McKullerton, PFLAG mother. “There was no message of hot man-on-man, or silky woman-on-woman, action. I’m disgusted.”
Armageddon enthusiast, Jack Van Impe, said Madonna is still wrong.
“The end of the world is four years, not four months,” Impe said. “It will be December 25, 2012, when the poles shift.
Madonna said that she would continue to sing and dance for the next four months until the end of time.
“My gift of song is the best way I know how to educate the public about the end of the world,” Madonna said.
Madonna’s next single “Give it 2 Me,” will focus on Malawi adoptions.
May 30, 2008 at 7:40 am |
[...] on. So imagine my surprise this morning when, while searching through the overnight news coverage, I came upon an article with “PFLAG” and “Madonna” in the search terms [...]
May 30, 2008 at 2:42 pm |
I also heard Timberlake going on the record to declare the four-minute warning a “lyrical malfunction.”
May 30, 2008 at 9:43 pm |
I made the mistake of assuming this was a dramatic homage to the classic scene where Shirley Temple and her African American butler danced for four minutes and warmed America’s heart. Then I remembered that one was “Like A Prayer.”
May 31, 2008 at 4:10 pm |
You might be confusing Madonna and African-American Butler with Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat.