Jesse’s Bill, a Sally Kern-Bill Graves Production

Oklahoma has a state bird, a state flower and a state meal packed with lard and gravy.  

We even have a musical based on our state.

What we don’t have, however, is an official state sexuality.

Out of touch with reality bigots extraordinaire, Oklahoma County Judge Bill Graves and Sally Kern should join forces to create “Jesse’s Bill.”  Named after Sally’s son, Jesse.

“Hetero” would be assigned as Oklahoma’s State Sexuality.

Recently, the Bench and Bar Committee of the Oklahoma Bar Association proposed to add “sexual orientation” to the state’s Code of Judicial Conduct.

The fact that a committee actually accomplished a proposal is monumental.           

If you’re not familiar with committees what normally happens is people who are not experts on a topic form a group to make decisions based on the opposite of what makes sense.

In a letter dated April 8, Graves said adding “sexual orientation” would support the gay agenda and protect anal sodomy, which Oklahoma state law defines as a crime against nature.

If this were the 1960s, Graves would probably accuse civil rights leaders of supporting what he would consider the “Colored Agenda.”

Under “Jesse’s Bill,” any practice seen as too “Homo,” such as high school wrestling, cowboys and state butterflies (the Black Swallowtail), would become illegal.

The bill would also work hard to fight “crimes against nature.”

If a couple engages in anal sodomy, a “Jesse Alert” will be issued. 

News organizations, and highway billboards, will alert the public of the sodomistic activities.

Once the offending couple ends their anal romp, the “Jesse Alert” will be lifted and peace will restore.

Oklahomans can also sign up to receive free “Jesse Alert” emails and text messages.

If enacted, “Jesse’s Bill” would create protective rights to celibate heterosexuals.  It would become illegal to imply that someone who proclaims to be a celibate music teacher, and works at a Metaphysics school, a heterosexual pretender.   

To reach children, certified analrapists (uh-nal-ruh-pist) will visit elementary schools to educate students on the dangers of anything that is deemed too gay.

A committee will be formed to determine what is too “gay,” and to determine the opposite of what makes sense.

Jesse Kern will head the committee, because that completes the opposite of what makes sense.