Ten Signs You’re at a Free Drillers Game

Unless it is dollar beer night, or a Garth Brooks concert, it is rare that the Drillers Stadium is full.

Baseball ticket sales do not fill the stadium.

Throughout the season, free tickets are given to fill the seats. Those free tickets bring out the best in Northeast Oklahoma.  And by best, I mean jack-o-lantern smiling, mullet wearing, state fair carnie-looking tools.

If you’re at a game and the stadium is packed, there are definite warning signs that you’re at a free Drillers game:

10.  Car Decals

Confederate flags, W ‘04 bumper stickers or anything that reads, “I miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better,” are the first clues that you’re at a free Drillers game.

9.  Packed Stadium

If it’s full, it’s free.

8.  Coolers

Unaware of stadium social norms, you will find people angered that they drove a “hunderd mials” for this game, only to find their cooler and lawn chairs must be left in the car.

7.  Escort Services

Security repeatedly ushers “fans” from the box seats, back to the general population.  You might hear phrases such as:  “Why? No one else is sitting here,” “Come on kids, back to the projects,” or “But, my kid has cancer.”

6.  Mullets  

A suspiciously high mullet ratio.  Higher than the state fair, Wal-Mart or Pryor’s Country Fever Music Festival average.

5.  Logo T-­Shirts

“My Mom is Hot” is wildly popular toddler T-shirt, especially if the mom is a potential Jerry Springer guest.  If all the toddlers mothers stood side by side in the stadium, you could create a whole set of teeth.

4.  Muffin Tops

The overhanging flesh that spills over the waistline of low-rise jeans, coupled with midriff tops that are four sizes too small. The muffin top percentage is almost equal to the mullet percentage.

3.  High School Jerseys

This is the male version of muffin top, except the overhand occurs in the front.  This phenomenon happens when a 35 to 55-year-old man believes he can still wear his high school mesh football jersey once he is 50 pounds heavier.  Only this time around, the jersey stops two-inches above his navel and there is no other shirt underneath.  Sometimes, this look is complimented with cut-off shorts.

2.  Body Odor, Cigarettes and Brut

The familiar, but never discussed, smell of body odor mixed with cigarettes will always be from the man that sits in front of you.  The cool breeze will blow this man-odor in your direction.  You might even get a hint of Brut cologne.  This type of person tends to believe Brut is an excellent substitute for bathing.

1.  Stadium Dinner

If parents serve their children cotton candy and Coke at 9 p.m. for dinner, then you are definitely at a free Drillers game.