Today, the federal Small Business Administration will open a Disaster Loan Outreach Center in Picher, Oklahoma.
The May 10 tornado demolished what was left of Picher and now the citizens can look forward to more helpful government involvement.
Every loan I have applied for required a mailing address, stable work history and a colonoscopy. I requested the colonoscopy after I watched a very special episode of “Celebrity Rehab.”
With loan requirements and government regulations, how could this not be a plus for Picher residents?
SBA: Name?
PR: Paul Rice.
SBA: How long have you lived at your current residence?
PR: Let’s see. The tornado hit May 10. I moved in with my sister. That would be four weeks. I’ve lived there for four weeks.
SBA: I’m sorry, but you must have lived in your current residence for at least six months. Next!
-
SBA: Name?
NB: Nancy Bell.
SBA: How long have you lived at your current residence?
NB: Twelve years.
SBA: Good. Good. How long have you been at your current job?
NB: I’m no longer employed. The tornado blew my employer away.
SBA: I’m sorry, but you must have stable work history before I can submit this application. Next!
SBA: Name?
TM: Tony Marrs.
SBA: How long have you lived at your current residence?
TM: Six years.
SBA: How long have you been at your current job.
TM: Five months.
SBA: Normally, we want six months of employment, but we’re flexible, we can work with this. Intent of the loan?
TM: Intent of the what?
SBA: What do you plan to use to loan for?
TM: Open a convenience store in Miami, Oklahoma.
SBA: I’m sorry, but the purpose of the loan is to rebuild the current town you’re living in.
TM: We’re not allowed to rebuild in Picher.
SBA: Sorry, my hands are tied. Please leave before I have my security officer taser you. Next!
Picher residents survived lead poising, superfund buyouts, the May 10 tornado and Brad Henry tours.
They’ll survive the SBA.
