Previously on Irritated Tulsan:
WOP: We do close at 6 p.m. We stop serving food at 2 p.m.
Irritated Tulsan: Listen. We just need to leave.
Chris: I spent almost $40 in gas to come here.
Hansel: Well it sounds like you need to get a better car.
Irritated Tulsan: What the fuck kind of restaurant …
Now the conclusion of Banned from an Amish Restaurant:
Irritated Tulsan: What the hell do you mean you need to get a better car? What the fuck kind of restaurant stays open until 6 p.m. and quits serving food at 2 p.m.?
Jebediah: Watch you language. There’s kids.
Irritated Tulsan: (Looks at the kids.) Hey kids! Shit, piss, fuck.
Jebediah: Sir, you need to get out of here.
Irritated Tulsan: (Looks at Jebediah.) You need to lick my ass.
Jebediah: Don’t make me throw you out of here myself.
Irritated Tulsan: Don’t make me rip off your wife’s headdress and expose that sin to the world.
Hansel: Both of you need to go before I call the cops.
Irritated Tulsan: What? On horseback or foot?
Manager: Go!
Chris: Let’s go.
A female customer joined the brawl.
FC: I drove all the way here from Muskogee and this is all you have!?!?! Your cashier even let me pay for lunch, and for what? All you can eat mashed potatoes?
I rip the headdress of Jebidiah’s cousin-wife. Chris pulled me out. Jebediah pushed me out.
I’m no longer the rational one. I yell as I’m dragged to the car.
Irritated Tulsan: Up yours Jebediah! See if I milk goats with you now! Guess what? I saw your wife’s hair! Yeah, that’s right, another man who saw your wife’s hair! I guess you’ll have to stone her now that she’s an infidel! Whore! Look here! (Pulls out iPod.) Yeah, it’s an iPod! Boogie boogie boggie! Technology from the devil’s hand! Hey kids, here’s more words! How about twat or cooter! What about queef! I bet you never heard queef! Ask your father! And later, ask him to show you dirty sanchez! Self-sufficient cult!
Neither of us said a word on the drive home.
Although I could not live without television, kill my own food or wear the exact same outfit everyday, I wanted to roam free with the Amish.
I believed they would embrace me. Hansel and I would toil the ground in the morning. Jebediah and I would do shots and play horseshoes in the evening.
That dream is gone.
Well, there’s always meth.
June 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm |
I too was fooled into thinking this was a great place to eat. My wifes sister told us you need to try this place its great. Well like you we drove over there one saturday for breakfast only to find running scramble eggs ( only to find out I could have had fried eggs if the cook would have come out of the back room) cold toast, hashbrowns warm. Only to find out like you there was little to no food. And the bacon was all stuck together. Ok so I wont ever eat there again.But if you and your friend would have drove another 15 miles or so east you would have found real Amish cooking in Locust Grove. Its called the Country Cottage. The next time you and your friend want Amish cooking email me and my wife and I will take you and your friend to Locust Grove. And so you know there are still dam good people out here it will be our treat. O and when we drive by Chouteau we can flip dim hillbillys off
June 25, 2008 at 4:07 pm |
That’s quite a nice offer, but how do I know you’re not an amish sympathizer who’s trying to take me down?
June 25, 2008 at 4:17 pm |
Thou hast found me out!
June 27, 2008 at 3:11 am |
Fuck the Amish!
September 3, 2008 at 11:47 am |
When I’m feeling down all I have to do is read this and my day gets better. You can’t make something like this up.
Thanks