10 Warning Signs Jerry Giordano is Driving Through Your Neighborhood

2008 July 8
by Irritated Tulsan

Tulsa police arrested KTUL news anchor Jerry Giordano under suspicion of DUI and complaints of hit-and-run.

According to the police report, Giordano said, “I have been drinking since this afternoon,” “I know I am drunk,” and “What would it take to make this go away?”

If those warning signs aren’t enough, here are ten other warnings signs that Jerry Giordano is driving through your neighborhood:

10.  Your front yard suddenly becomes a passing lane.

9.  Loretta Murphy arrives on the scene and states, “This is a complete oversight on my part … oh, finally a story not about me.”

8.  Mysterious white pinstripes appear on only one side of your car.

7.  The smell of burning rubber and beer fills the air.

6.  Firefighters are rescuing senior citizens out of trees.

5.  KTUL is the only news station not on the scene.

4.  Excessive roadkill.

3.  Neighbor’s mailbox flies through your living room window.

2.  Your toddler crashes his Power Wheel and asks, “What will it take to make this go away?”

1.  Witnesses claim to have spotted a drunk Italian leprechaun hiding in the bushes.

 

(Bonus!  The Lost Ogle has a copy of the police report.  Click here to view it.)

(Also see Reconstructing Giordano.)

11 Responses leave one →
  1. 2008 July 8

    What cracks me up is here is a reporter supposedly being paid well and he gets busted driving a Early 90’s White BMW hoopdie. Now thats funny, in a pathetic sort of way….

    ~T

  2. 2008 July 8

    You had me at the headline! I almost feel bad for Jerry, because if it were you or I who went on a Drunken Brookside Automobile Pinball Rampage, it would be a slight footnote in the newscast (if even that). We’d pay our fine or do our time (or whatever has to be done) and go on with our lives mortified that we’d allowed ourselves to get so out of control. However, in addition to whatever dependency issues he has, his career in Tulsa is now pretty much ruined, and he’ll have to start all over somewhere else. With a beat-up 16 year-old BMW. And his closet of little elfin suits.

    This is the price of celebrity, one that I am thankful I don’t have to pay.

  3. 2008 July 8
    meeciteewurkor permalink

    i think it’s funny that he literally crapped himself when he got arrested…

  4. 2008 July 9

    With that great mugshot, give Jerry the SKATE! Sure, his DL should get the revoke. For the h-n-r, the judge should sentence him to community service, bicycle driving for LIFE. I say KTUL should keep him to do the gratuitous piece on heavy drinking, during sweeps. Hey, the heavy smoking piece worked great for Bill Mitchell.

    Hey, Channel 8, keep Jerry!

  5. 2008 July 9
    Carter V. permalink

    Having worked with his pain-in-the-ass offspring, I relished in this bit of welcome news. I wonder if he’ll give Tulsans the forecast on his civil court case. Ba-dump-tish!

  6. 2008 July 10
    Btrownsugar permalink

    I see his business is not being blased all on oscn.net. That site has cases as far back as 1985 but Jerry is not on there. This is Tulsa, he will get a slap on the wrist, a rehab offer, a deferred sentence and then appear on another station. Some lesson he will learn?

  7. 2008 July 10
    irritatedtulsan permalink

    Btrownsugar: I think his court date is Friday. He should be on oscn.net after then.

  8. 2008 July 11
    BRANDON permalink

    Bob Howard, Don Woods, and Glenda Silvey wouldn’t be caught dead, driving drunk down Brookside…….. Or Gusty either for that matter.

  9. 2008 July 18
    Jason permalink

    As a ribbon wearing club veteran, I can assure you he had it coming! My friends and I used to see him out on a regular basis with “the boys” getting rather loaded and doing things that are only acceptable in San Fran or maybe the Episcopal Church. Ever noticed how he looks really hung over on the news sometimes?? It’s NOT because he has been out chasing the story of the year… Not that any of it is my business but I do find it rather comical. Good riddance I say. ‘Bout time they nailed him (pun intended).

  10. 2008 July 18
    meeciteewurkor permalink

    whoa.. didn’t see that one coming…

  11. 2008 July 21
    Brownsugar permalink

    His business is now on oscn.net. I still say he will get a slap on the wrist. I think he will relocate to another city and leave all this crap behind (pun intended)

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