Reconstructing Giordano

Potential DUI School Spokesperson, Jerry Giordano, issued a statement about his DUI, hit and run, and lost-bowel arrest.

It’s the standard, “oops, I was caught and better issue a statement,” statement. Easily summarized as, “Blah blah blah bloo. Blah blah blah. Bloo. Blah-blah-bu-du-blah-blah. Sincerely, Blah Blah Bloo.”

The letter is a nice attempt, but dated. We’re talking the MySpace, text message, “this is good enough” generation.

Arrests are no longer taboo; they’re a marketing strategy.

He needs to milk this for all it’s worth. Market himself to a new level.  Time to reconstruct Giordano:

1.  Mug Shot Giordano

Giordano has an awesome mug shot. That smile and those eyes almost make you melt. Plus, his shirt is a great match with the background. Time to capitalize. Have a book signing. Instead of signing books in bookstores, sign mug shots in liquor stores.

2.  Seek N Say

In the event the police knock on your car window while you’re busy parking in the neighbors flower bed, pull the tab and play a prerecorded excuse.  “The drunk man says, ‘mooooooooooo.’

3.  Liquid Fertilizer

When an embarrassing matter such as bowel loss becomes a public joke, jump on that brown liquid bandwagon. Sell a Giordano brand of liquid fertilizer.

4.  On the Bar in…

Each summer FOX23 has its “On the Road in” promotion. On Fridays, FOX broadcast from various towns. To compete with FOX, KTUL’s Giordano can broadcast from various bars. Giordano is already the weekend anchor, and this is great way to reach to target demographic.

5.  Giordano Pizza

This is simply for a quick buck. It’s not delivery, it’s Giordano.

6.  Gipends Disposable Briefs

Adult disposable briefs, sold exclusively in liquor stores. Just in case.

7.  Portable Body Wipes

Once gain, just in case.

8.  Jerry’s Milk of Amnesia

A light alcoholic drink, mixed with a roofie. Designed for those moments you’d like to forget.

There are hundreds of marketing opportunities from this arrest. Take a vacation in rehab and let your people do the work.

You’re traditional audience may be appalled at a DUI, but your target audience loves it.

It’s today.

It’s the in thing to do.

(Also see, 10 Warning Signs Jerry Giordano is Driving Through Your Neighborhood.)