Since the Drillers have agreed to move downtown, those people that pushed Wilkins aside can look forward to a return on their “donation.”
I now see the genius of their plan:
1. Move the stadium downtown.
2. Form a “public” trust to control the surrounding land.
3. Allow anyone that donates $2 million to the stadium a seat on the “trust.”
4. Develop the surrounding land based on what the “trust” wishes.
5. Expect a great return on your “donation.”
I plan to use their plan. I can’t just choose any company though. Pier One or the poor man’s Pier One, Target, won’t do. I need a company that gives the public the impression I’m looking out for their best interest. I need to own … Goodwill Industries.
I’ll use the same tactic as the City of Tulsa, with a few modifications. Since, I’m not a millionaire and don’t have the money to buy a seat on the Drillers “trust,” I’ll need to work a little more creatively:
1. Donate something to Goodwill. I plan to donate my grandfather’s copy of the Kama Sutra. He no longer needs it since he discovered Internet porn.
2. Write on a sheet of paper, “The accepting of this donation forms a public ‘trust.’ All members of this ‘trust’ retain complete control of Goodwill Industries.” Have the person who accepts the donation sign the sheet of paper. Hopefully, the attendee will be too busy with the Kama Sutra to care what he signs.
3. Allow anyone that donates $2 to Goodwill a seat on the “trust.”
4. Limit the number of seats to one. Rotate the “trust” members every 50 years.
5. Expect a great return on my “donation.”
I may not make the huge profit that the members of the Drillers “trust” will make, but it’s a start.
Through lawsuits and public humiliation, I plan to unleash the most diabolical part of my plan. A plan more terrifying than a 13-year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert, or a Betty Boyd sex tape. A plan that will truly horrify the city leaders: Build a giant Goodwill across the street from the new Drillers stadium … and then only hire homeless people.
September 5, 2008 at 8:43 am |
There seems to be a lot of shady crap happening in T-town. I still haven’t figured out what the story is on Bells being a parking lot now. I was in Tulsa last weekend and almost dropped a brick when I saw it had been torn down. I had no idea.
And thanks for making me regurgitate my breakfast burrito at the mention of a Betty Boyd sex tape. What’s next, mentions of Britney Spears style shots of Carol Lambert getting out of her car?
September 5, 2008 at 12:07 pm |
Not Lambert, Ely. Charles Ely.