Letter to the Editor #9 (Half-Dime Edition)

Dear Irritated Tulsan,

As my authority on all that is Oklahoma (based solely on the fact that you’re willing to admit you live there and more willing to make sure that everyone is aware of all of the faults that it contains and perpetuates), when I run across things like the article the link below goes to, I must share.

This article in something called NewsOK.com isn’t exactly what I have the issue with.  It’s the photo that accompanies the story (about cutting the amount of metal used to make a nickel in half, calling it a “half dime” and saving on production costs.  Wait.  Maybe I do have a problem with that.).  Over on the right there is a picture of three coins and the caption reads “A penny, nickel, and quarter.”  From the Oklahoman archive.  My question is, Is it necessary for the people of Oklahoma who can read the article to have pictures of what the coins actually look like? 

For added amusement, there is the list of “Top Jobs” below the captioned photo of US coins.  The “Top Jobs” seem very diverse and I was not under the impression that Oklahomans, in general, were all that diverse of a crowd.  Regardless, perhaps you’ll be able to tell me what a “C-Stop Position” is.  I figure if it’s supposed to be a “Top Job” I should probably know what it is.  I’m also a bit unclear as to the positions of “Quickway Excavating” (not sure what a ‘quickway’ is), “Curb & Gutter Foreman” (is there a ‘curb & gutter crew’ that needs supervising?), “Retired Drivers” (if they’re retired, why are they working?), CDL-A Drivers and a PA (like public address?  Standing and shouting information at passers by?)

It’s perplexing that people seem to need to have the penny, nickel and quarter displayed and labeled for the readers, but there’s a long list of job that would seem to require the sort of knowledge that one who knows what the different coins actually are without a picture would possess.

It’s all very confusing over there, isn’t it? 

Click here: U.S. Representative’s legislation would cut costs of coining nickels | NewsOK.com

Signed,
Mary

 

Dear Mary,

That’s a penny?  Oh, wow.  I thought they were reusable finger-flavored mints.  I’ll quit sucking on them.

The answer to your first question is yes.  It is necessary to provide a photo of the coins.  Mainly it’s for city and state workers that don’t understand the concept of budgets.  For example, the Tulsa Housing Authority recently purchased a piece of land for $800,000.  It was appraised at $225,000.  If they had the photo of the coins, they may have realized they handed over too much money.

Whom am I kidding?  It’s easier to spend someone’s money (taxpayers) than your own.  The THA would pay $10 for each item they bought at a dollar store.

Your second question about the C-Stop Position is a typo.  It should read C-Spot, not C-Stop.  It’s the area of the body you must pass through before you reach the G-Spot.

If I remember correctly, my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Kern, taught us it was C-Spot, D-Spot, E-Spot, or as she called it, the “Eeeeeeeeeeeeee-Spot,” the F-Spot and then finally the G-Spot.  That was same day she taught us “Mr. M for a munching mouth.”

I remember the principal visited our class the next day. He said she retired.  Something about her becoming a state legislature.

We never saw Mr. M again.

“Quickway Excavating” and “Curb & Gutter Foreman” are politically correct ways to say Dental Assistant.  They both scrape diseased gum tissue.  Since Oklahoma is the meth capitol of the world, these positions are in high demand.

“Retired Drivers” and “CDL-A Drivers” are code for Wal-Mart greeters. Experienced drivers are needed to deliver carts to customers.

A “PA,” or PissAnt, is an overly sensitive Toby Keith fan that attack bloggers because his obsessed fans have no sense of humor.  TK Warriors die at an early age because their middle-age heart can’t keep up with their teenage-like cult admiration.

I hope this clears things up.

Signed,
Irritated Tulsan