By reading the title, you can see we didn’t quite hit 100. That’s ok, 45 is a good number. I’m happy with it. With your help, I’ve compiled my biggest list yet.
Thank you to everyone that entered.
Which one-liner hit number one? Which one-liner made me laugh aloud the loudest? Read the list to find out.
Here it is …
The 45 Warning Signs the State Fair is in Town:
45. Every Wal-Mart within a 50-mile radius is empty, save a few patrons who are not missing any teeth.
44. Everyone puts grandma to work sewing fanny-pack extender belts, for the extra large folk.
43. Congestion on, “The Beeline,” increases ten fold.
42. You suddenly crave corn dogs.
41. You can smell that fresh derriere/dairy air.
40. A couple named Cletus and Georgiana park their house on your street.
39. My driveway is blocked.
38. There is more than one bearded lady at Kmart.
37. Indian casino profits are down because everyone is saving up for deep friend snickers and turkey legs.
36. DHS relocates its headquarters to 21st and Yale.
35. Trailer parks are empty.
34. A Carnie Orange-Alert is issued in the neighborhoods near the fairgrounds.
33. Breathing the air leaves an oily film in your nose.
32. American flag doo-rag sales skyrocket.
31. The neighborhood fruit stand has been replaced with a Winders Vista stand.
30. Toby Keith t-shirts sell out everywhere.
29. You are able to drive down the main street and visit the Sonic of any small town on a Friday night.
28. You look at something – anything – on your dinner plate, and wonder what it would be like deep-fried.
27. Jannah Montana and Spongebob Cubepants shirts appear around town.
26. Families in South Tulsa give their children cultural lessons about the “slums” of Midtown Tulsa.
25. NASCAR’s ratings plummet.
24. Your son bursts into the living room excited that he’s invented a squirrel on a stick.
23. The number of E. coli victims skyrocket from 53, to 3,284.
22. Your mother calls and begs you to see BJ Thomas with her.
21. You feel out of place because you don’t have a mullet.
20. You read the headline, “Lee Greenwood to Appear Live”.
19. There is a spike in Hoveround sales.
18. Nutritionists are placed on suicide watch.
17. The Golden Driller gets a fresh coat of paint.
16. We watch the local newscast to be entertained by all the weird people in their background.
15. People dust off their 38 Special and Loverboy albums to get refreshed on the lyrics.
14. Diabetes support groups file discriminatory claims against the Sugar Art Show.
13. Tulsa suddenly has more livestock than Liberty Mounds.
12. The smell of grease and body odor fills the air.
11. Your self-portrait airbrushed calendar is on its final month.
10. Pregnant toothless teenagers are spotted wearing tiaras.
9. Junior thinks his butter sculpture of Aunt Pearline’s doublewide is a shoo-in to win.
8. Jerry and Loretta Murphy buy their annual set of matching dentures.
7. The customers at QuikTrip at 21st&Harvard start to look like the crowd from “Rocklahoma.”
6. The Praying Hands at ORU now hold a giant turkey leg.
5. Violent nights of sleep begin with alarming cold sweat arousals of Zingo rides falling into black holes.
4. City leaders schedule an emergency meeting to prevent the State Fair from closing after discovering a huge reduction in Downtown Tulsa’s homeless population.
3. Overabundance of legless turkeys crawl around town.
2. While at a diner, you overhead the couple behind you say, “Come get the baby off the table, he’s dragging his peter in the gravy.”
1. Travis Meyer begins offering free mustache rides, live from the pavilion.
Also see 10 Additional Warning Signs the State Fair is in Town.
(Special Thanks to Amy, Carissa, Chris, Don, Dustbury, Mary Christ, Matt, Sarah, Stephanie, XonOff and anyone that I missed. If I missed your entry or name, let me know.)
