Of Course, Preferred Parking

Where Bell’s once stood is now a large paved area called “Preferred Parking.”  It’s for those who prefer a shorter route to corndogs, turkey legs and explosive bowels.  It’s also for those that support the smart business decisions of Randi Miller and the rest of the Tulsa County Fair Board.

I prefer the longer route for two reasons:   One, it helps burn the 25,000 deep-fried calories I normally ingest during the fair.  Two, I don’t support Miller.  She’s a cooter.

For $10, you can park in “Preferred Parking.”

I won’t park there.  I’ll use my $10 for the antacid I’ll need after I’m dragged to the BJ Thomas concert.  For those of you asking “who,” Thomas had a few hits in the late 1960s and early 1970s.  I know him as that guy that sang the theme song to Growing Pains.  

Will “Preferred Parking” make up for Bell’s lost revenue?  I’ve attempted math to find out:

1.  Bell’s paid $135,000 in its final year of operation.

2.  There are *160 “Preferred Parking” spots. 

3.  The Tulsa State Fair is open a total of **125 hours during its eleven-day run.

4.  Divide $135,000 by 125 hours, and you’re left with $1,080/hr.  

5.  The parking lot must generate $1,080 per hour to make $135,000.

6.  At $10 per parking spot, 108 vehicles need to park each hour.

7.  If 108 new vehicles park in the “Preferred Parking” area every hour the Tulsa State Fair is open, Tulsa County will make $135,000.

8.  Multiply the final number by the Smugness of Murphy, and a profit is made.

My version of “Preferred Parking” is my driveway.  Far away from the State Fair.  Far away from BJ Thomas.  

(*This is a total amount.  The official count from Bell’s former location could not be found.  Police asked me to leave before I finished counting.)

(**Hours based on exhibit building hours, not when the gate is unlocked at 8 a.m.  Who is going to walk around the fairgrounds at 8 a.m. anyway when neither the buildings nor the midway is open?  Mallwalkers needing a change of scenery?  I think not.)