Now that OSU Medical Center has moved from an afterthought to casual mention, it’s time to think funding. OSU Medical Center could soon close, leaving indigent Tulsans without nearby medical care and residents leaving the state. Below are viable ideas to make OSU Medical Center financially stable:
10. Indian Casino*
Recognize Tulsa’s homeless population as a new Indian tribe called the Indigenawees. Open a casino on the first floor of the OSU Medical Center to fund the hospital.
9. Drillers Stadium
Build Driller’s Stadium on top of the OSU Medical Center. Charge Drillers owner Chuck Lamson $100 million a year in rent.
8. Naming Rights
The Bank of Oklahoma bought the naming rights to Tulsa’s newest convention center. The Spirit Bank bought the name to Jenks’ convention center. Sell the naming rights to OSU Medical Center. The Check Into Cash Center sound catchy.
7. Homeless Tours
The Tulsa Foundation for Architecture takes anyone willing to pay $15 on a tour of Downtown Tulsa’s apartments. Building Tulsa, Building Lives can host a similar tour of homeless living. Dine in many of Tulsa’s fine dumpsters.
6. Homeless Rickshaws
Rent the homeless to pull rickshaws to and from BOK events for those Tulsans that can’t bear to walk for ten minutes.
5. Adopt a Homeless
Similar to Adopt a Road, but volunteers upkeep a homeless person. Less dirty than a highway, more productive than DHS.
4. Un-Bake Sale
Have a bake sale with the most commonly eaten homeless meal … nothing.
3. Window to the World
The Today Show has one. Good Morning America has one. I’m not sure if the CBS Early Show has one because like the rest of America, I’ve never watched. Open a window to the world where passersby can watch anal cavity searches, mammograms and Dr. Phil. Sell window cling sponsorships.
2. Hard Rock Café
Rebrand the OSU Medical Center as the Hard Rock Café and Medical Center. Tourism dollars should be enough to support the hospital.
1. Mike Gundy Motor Oil
Before oil prices fall further, cash in and sell Mike Gundy Motor Oil. It’s squeezed daily from his hair and comes in 10W-30. Proceeds will support the OSU Medical Center.
(*Special thanks to Tex Taylor for #10 and stimulating the idea for the rest of this post.)
November 18, 2008 at 1:23 pm |
They could just sell crack and generic mouthwash out the back door!
~T
November 18, 2008 at 1:32 pm |
Better yet, Oxycontin!
November 18, 2008 at 6:38 pm |
Hmm… the homeless rickshaw… that didn’t work out too well on Seinfeld…
I do like the idea to start a new Native American tribe, though. Maybe then I could finally get some scholarship money…
November 18, 2008 at 11:28 pm |
Are you an Indigenawee?
November 20, 2008 at 9:57 am |
Personally, I think they could build a golf course and hotel next to the BOK Arena and stage a yearly LPGA tournament. The homeless could be caddies for all the female golfrers. whether the golfers spoke english or not would be irrelevant, and while carrying the clubs, the homeless people could canvass the crowd for loose change.
Fund the med center by charging a golf ball tax, a divot tax, a hook – slice tax, out of bounds would be a flat fine of $100,000, This would work since, just as higher saales and property taxes do not drive residents out of Tulsa, the above taxes would surely not drive golfers out of tournaments. Of course with pro golfers tax avoidance is an issue. If they shoot in the low sixties they play for free. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, might hav eto work on this some more.
November 21, 2008 at 7:15 am |
I kind of like the casino idea. There could be some cross promtion potential with discounts in the emergency room by showing your players card. Or maybe have slot machines in the ER and how long you wait depends on how much you bet. Plus the hospital could start up a state of the art pulmonary facility complete with oxygen available at all the gambling sites. You could put quarters in the slot machine and quarters in the oxygen machine.
November 21, 2008 at 7:47 am |
I hope the prostitution community doesn’t get confused about which slot to put the card in.
January 25, 2009 at 2:10 am |
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