Toby Keith in a Jar
A reader sent me an email about a fun craft that anyone can do with the back fat from Toby Keith. It’s called Toby Keith in a Jar. It’s done in possibly ten easy steps:
Step 1: Find Toby Keith or a pork roast.
Step 2: Make an incision in Toby Keith’s back.
Step 3: With your lips tightly over the incision, siphon the back fat. Note the texture. You may notice a gristly feeling on your tongue. That’s because it’s gristle. Try to avoid swishing. It can get stuck in your teeth. If you’re not able to find Toby Keith, the boiled fat off a pork roast will do fine. If there is no pork roast available, goldfish and a potato smasher are your only option.
Step 4: Place the back fat, pork roast fat or goldfish pulp in a jar.
Step 5: Only fill half the jar.
Step 6: Since you were told to only fill half the jar after step 4, you most likely have a jar full of fat or fish. Pour out half the jar.
Step 7: Now you’ve poured out too much. Move back to step 1. When you get to step 3, read step 5, and then jump back to step 4. Now you’re ready for step 8.
Step 8: Poke holes in the lid. This will minimize clumping.
Step 9: Visit the Arkansas River (pronounced Are-Can-zaz if you’re mentally challenged) and fill the other half of the jar with the Arkansas River water.
Step 10: Place jar on its side. Gently sway to make waves.
(Special thanks to the reader than sent the photos.)
Funny but I’m a little nauseous.
I just threw up in my mouth LOL
I found this paticularly hilarious since I’ve been pretty disgusted with Keith since his racist comments about White people liking Obama because he acts more white than Black. What a creep. Thanks for the recipe. And, the part about back fat – so caustic, I was rolling.
I was wondering what to do with Toby Keith’s armpit and back hair?
You could ball up the TK armpit hair and use them as little boats in the TK Jar itself. Children would oooh and aaaah at the pretty brown waves with armpit hair boats floating around.
I forgot, he has no armpit hair:
http://irritatedtulsan.wordpress.com/2008/12/30/metrosexual-the-toby-way/
The pictures … ewww … I now have a puddle of ramen noodle soup with ground up hamburger, onions, Louisiana hot sauce and leftover pepper sprinkles from Pizza Shuttle all over my lap now.
But it’s *your* blog and it’s funny, so that’s a good thing.
Except the cleanup.
sterrapin, puddles of your ramen noodle concoction might work as a substitute to Toby’s back fat. Try it out and get back to us.
This is all so comforting.
Thanks jenx67. Families are looking for affordable activities because of the recession.
Instead of your weekly QT selection are you gonna photograph Sterrapin’s Ramen noodle concoction?
Don’t knock the ramen noodles. I literally lived off of those things last year. you can do all kinds of neat things with King Ramen.
cooked ramen, dry ramen, crushed ramen, fried ramen, flavored ramen, short ramen, long ramen.
Before ramen I lived off the 3/$1 pot pies warehouse market used to sell. Well, they still sell them, only they’re like 1/$3 now.
What that has to do with Toby Keith back fat is beyond me.
you act like sucking Tobys back fat would be a BAD thing!!!!
omg…
eeeeewww…
ahh NOOO!!! I can’t get the image out of my mind!!!
STOP!!!
It’s salty, with a pudding texture. Now you can imagine the flavor.
** vomit **
I suppose you’re gonna describe the smell, too?
I’ve heard it described as “poo.”
ooohhh…
Ok, so if this post is to be believed then Toby Keith looks, tastes, and smells like fat, Arkansas river water, AND poo?
LMAOOOO I thought for sure one of you would say something bad about the poor lad. I guess I had you all wrong.