Four-and-a-Half Random Questions with Irritated Tulsan’s Mother
As scary as it may seem, someone had to raise me. Fortunately, she lived. I’m not sure how, but she lived. Probably through 18 years of prescription medication.
I’ve asked Yaw Eno, Sally Bell’s son and a Salvation Army Bell ringer Four-and-a-Half random questions. I thought it was time to ask a four-and-a-half about me.
1) Who are my real parents?
I’m not sure. 30 years ago, I heard a baby cry. I ran out and saw this Amish buggy speeding, well trotting, off. There you were. A note was on your chest, stuck to you with honey. It said. “Taketh this child! He irritateth us!” I guess its time you knew. I had to keep you. How else could I watch possible classics like “The Secret of Nihm?” I would feel silly by myself.
2) Why did you make me see “The Secret of Nihm?” I hated that movie.
I was hoping it would be one of those classics like “Peter Pan” or “Show White.” I was wrong. Besides there was nothing good on television except for that stupid show episode, Greatest American Hero, you were obsessed over.
3) If you had to choose between reliving my pubescent years or a frontal lobotomy, which would you choose?
Definitely the frontal lobotomy. Much less irritating.
4) Do you worry that the neighbors might refer to you as a cat lady?
Well, its better than calling me the cat whore.
4.5) Finish this sentence…
huh?
Secret of NIMH was awesome.
I bet when your mother wanted you to do something yourself, you would say “You do it. YOU’RE THE WOMAN!”
I had the same reaction to The Secret of NIMH that I had to Independence Day – neat movie, until one little detail starting gnawing at me. It was just too hard to accept that these rats had nootropically souped-up brains with human-level intelligence, when the story is set in a fictional world where all the critters are anthropomorphized to begin with.
(In Independence Day, it was the implausiblity of using an old off-the-shelf computer virus to infect a computer from another planet. As Kevin Pollak put it, “Thank God the Martians had Windows 95.”)