Tornadoes: The Well-Informed Natural Disaster
Tornadoes may be the only natural disaster doing market research before striking. Earthquakes, hurricanes and wild fires have no socioeconomic boundaries. They are as likely to destroy a mansion as they are a hunting shack, but tornadoes seem to have a different plan of attack.
Tornadoes systematically prey on the most vulnerable human demographic, trailer park residents. Though the initial path of the storm may indicate the funnel is headed for downtown Tulsa, the trajectory always shifts and POOF, bye bye single, double and triple-wides.
It’s obvious that tornadoes pick their targets. I provide the following evidence:
1) Moore, Oklahoma
A group of scantily clad 60-year-old trailer park residents (therefore big Toby fans) stood outside Toby Keith’s gate and waited for him to get the morning paper. When he stepped outside, wearing only a pair Jimmy Choo stilettos, he pushed a button and a tornado removed the fans. The button and Tornado are unrelated. He likes button.
2) Catoosa, Oklahoma
During Catoosa’s annual Swapping of the Tooth Festival, a tornado touched down and destroyed every trailer owned by anyone without a complete set of choppers. Only one home survived.
3) Hulbert, Oklahoma
During the wedding of Billy and his parents’ daughter, a tornado swept through the town’s square taking the hotel, bank and police station with it. Residents said it sounded like a freight train loaded with real pretty sheep. Except for the ability to whittle little animals out of sticks, and meth lab bonfires, what good has come out of a trailer park? Nothing. This is nature’s way of weeding out trailer park residents.
No tornado will go on record to confirm this suspicion.
(Written by Francis and Irritated Tulsan)
It’s pretty sad that you think referring to your neighbor’s in Catoosa as a bunch of hicks-in-the-sticks that don’t have complete sets of teeth as “humor”.
People who live in mobile homes have dignity too.
Your poor sense of judgement evident within your writing and utter disrespect for people in your own community is astounding.
So with your full set of teeth – BITE ME!
I love this post. My husband always jokes that we’re safe from tornadoes because of the trailer park across the highway from us.
Catoosan,
I can relate to how you feel. I think the IT is way out of line here. There were actually three houses that survived, one of which was owned by a person who didn’t have a full set of teeth. The IT doesn’t even have his or her facts straight. And Toby doesn’t wear Jimmy Choo stilettos. He’s got more class than that. He wears Manolo Blahnik pointed-toe snakeskin pumps!
Maybe the tornado sucked all those teefers out?
Don’t you mean tornadees?
It just occurred to me that flying saucers seek out the same demographic zones as tornados. Maybe those Grey creatures are the larval form and tornados are the adult ETs?
Maybe the Greys are an intergalactic Terminex.