Letter to the Editor #18 (I’m Bored Edition)
2009 July 9
Dear Irritated Tulsan,
I’m bored. Will you post something?
Signed,
Squirrelly
Dear Squirrelly,
Sure.
I recently received a call about those annoying “Shame On _______” signs. You know, those carpenters that claim “Shame On” whatever company they’re pissed at? Tulsa World found out most of those sign holders are homeless people hired to hold the signs. These carpenters can obviously afford to not work because they hired someone to stand in. They’re not protesting, they’re on vacation.
He wanted advice on what to do about these “protesters.” Here are some ideas:
- Yell, “Look! Free soup!” Since the sign holders are homeless and can’t resist free soup, they’ll drop the sign. Problem solved.
- Construct your own sign that reads “Shame on Protesters.” This won’t rid the protestors, it’s just fun to do.
- Kidnap a baby from Walmart. You can usually find one in a locked car. Ask the sign holders to watch your kid while you run into QuikTrip. Call the police and report a kidnapping.
- Have a Ginger say, “boo-gah boo-gah,” to the homeless. They will run.
- Hire ninjas to take out the soup-for-hire protesters. They will not be seen. No witnesses and no evidence.
I hope this curbs your fix for today,
Irritated Tulsan
at night, undetected, sprinkle generous amounts of cayenne pepper where they normally stand. If you can afford it, get itching powder and do the same. Or, if you really have access to nifty stuff, use law-enforcement 10% oleoresin capsicum (pepper spray)
If they had to go to the emergency room, the plumber’s union might be forced to pay workmen’s comp, and wouldn’t that be a hoot. Or, they may try to weasel out of paying, and that would also be fun to watch.
Yes, I know this is mean. I was trying to imagine how a Progressive would deal with the situation.