A Hooker and Some Gas
It’s that time of year where every white-trash skank hits the streets to purge pocket change out of those feeling the Christmas spirit.
Most stories begin with, “My car ran out of gas…” If you listen long enough, you might hear about the medicine they need for their sick children.
I had three people hit me up yesterday, but only two tried the gas story. The hooker tried several more.
I should say alleged hooker. I only assumed this since she was on 11th Street and wore the latest in prostitution wear. It might have been the Miley Cyrus Walmart clothing line.
She had no pants on, a long white sweater with the left shoulder exposed and gold pumps. Her dirty-blond matted hair lifted above her shoulders. Her front two teeth replaced with gums. It was about 11 p.m.
I pulled into QuikTrip for gas and a fountain drink. I leaned toward the dashboard to dig for change in the cup holder. My head turned left to the window. Face-to-face I met this woman. Her nose pressed against my window.
“Oh good Lord!” I yelled.
Normally I’m not that jumpy, but I didn’t expect anyone’s head that close to mine.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just got off work. Can you give me a ride home?”
“Work! From where?!?!?”
“Here.”
“Here?!?!? As what?!?!? The fountain skank?!?!? No, you can’t have a ride.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m pretty sure you’re going to rob me.”
She paused.
“Will you light my cigarette?” she asked.
“I don’t have a lighter. I don’t smoke.”
“Can I have a dollar?”
“It’s 2009. Who carries cash?”
“Can I borrow your phone so I can call a ride?”
“No, but please keep going. I want to hear more.”
“I need to call the sitter…”
“And?”
“Tell her I’m going to be late…”
“And?”
“I have to cook my babies dinner.”
“I’m done with this.”
I started my engine and left.
Something didn’t feel right. I thought about what I had said. Fountain skank? That was wrong. I turned my car around and drove back to my alleged streetwalker. I needed to fix what I had done.
I pulled up next to her, rolled down the window and apologized.
“Hey, a minute ago when I called you a fountain skank, I was trying to be clever and rhyme with drink. That was wrong. Normally, I’m sharper than that, but you startled me. What I meant to say was QuikTrick because you’re a whore. Good luck with your ride.”
Then, I felt better.
What do you mean she had no pants on?
It warms my heart that you went back and explained yourself. It sounds like calling her a skank is an insult to skanks.
Our skanks downtown are obviously higher class and have more pride than the skanks you are used to dealing with. Since they are closing down the Y housing, you may get some of our skanks your way.
Is it to too early nominate for Tulsan of the week. I nominate QuikTrik!
How come I never get that at the 11th Street QT?
Go at 11 p.m., you’ll find her.
It’s a good thing you didn’t go with her. There’s two more behind the store waiting for you with their golf clubs.
Was that because of the Tiger Woods post?
This is why I go to the 11th and Utica QT instead of the 15th and Denver location that is much closer to my house. 11th and Utica is like having a human zoo on the edge of downtown.
Any QT after 11 P.M. is almost as much fun as going to the Tulsa State fair.
YA Buddy
OK. True story. I was once coming home from a concert about 11 or 12 pm. I stopped at the QT in far east Tulsa by a truck stop. I walked up to the counter to pay for my drink and the QT employee asked me if I was getting off work. I told him no. I though that was strange. Then I read a couple of days later there was a big hooker bust right by there.
So I thought if he did think I was a hooker, should I be insulted of flattered that he thought I would cost money?
You should be flattered. Not everyone can successfully sell their body.
I was hoping I would be worth a lot more. I still have all my teeth. Ah, who am I kidding. Johns aren’t after your smile.
Sounds like you have been attending 666BOI’s charm school again.
Actually, he attends mine. I’m waaaaaaaaay more evil.
You can find all sorts of whores at Sonora Square between 169 & Garnett off of 31st street. There are 2 fully operational whore stores. One operates as a “tanning salon” and the other as a “day spa” that is only open from 3pm to 1am. Make sure you get your shots before you get there. I’m sure whatever they’re carrying is contagious.