Winterpocalypse Driving Rules

With thousands without power outages throughout the state, many of our intersections will become four-way stops.  Mix that with then high number of idiot drivers and you have Winterpocalypse.

Meteorologists will warn you to stay in.  I want to remind you of ice storm driving rules, should you have to get out.

Rule #1: Stop. It seems simple enough to not have to say, but people are stupid.

Rule #2: If the person has spinners on their wheels, they go first.  No need to be shot.

Rule #3: If the other driver is hot, they go second. Just because there’s no power, and you’re both in your cars, doesn’t mean you can’t try to get some. If you’re married, you can still follow this rule because it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

Rule #4: If the driver behind your car has annoyed you, repeatedly give your turn away to the other drivers.

Rule #5: If you’re behind a senior citizen, gently nudge them onto the curb with your bumper. They will spend hours saying, “oh dear,” and not move. You will do everyone a favor.

Rule #6: If a pedestrian tries to cross the street, pull forward and open your door into them. They will slide into the intersection and bounce off the other cars like a hockey puck. Other cars should hit the pedestrian and participate. Power outages can cause stress and this is simple a way to relieve that stress among drivers.

Rule #7: If someone goes out of turn, floor it and ram them. Say you slid on the ice.

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