Die Farmville, Die!

Attention select Facebook users.  I’m tired of the mindless applications you send me.  I don’t want a snowball fight, I don’t want to poke you unless it’s to push you down a flight of stairs, but most of all I don’t want to play Farmville.

I will not join Farmville, Aquariumland, Egghospital, Wormplanet, Baboonanusbuddy,  or another other simulation game you toss my way.  There’s no need for constant updates about what vegetables you harvested or how you need the golden dildo for your cows.

And no, you cannot use my Facebook account to start another farm to earn experience points.  If you want experience points, I don’t know, strip at a nursing home.

Farmville’s main audience are people whom like shiny things and come from polluted gene pools.  The rest of us don’t care.

There are members who tell me to “give it try,” “you’ll love it,” and “it’s sooooooo addicting.”  You know what else is addicting?  Meth, but I don’t see you lighting up to join that reality.

Put down the Cheetos and diet soda.  Step outside.  Quitting cannot be that hard.

Will this cause a rift in my family?  Yes.  Will it take months for soon-to-be-distant relatives to talk to me again?  Yes.  Do I care?  No.  What I care about is…

…die Farmville, just die.