Other Things Tulsa Could Sell to Generate Income

To cut expenses and generate income, Tulsa Parks Department is considering selling our parks.  Many of us had a knee-jerk ‘what if I want to play with that toy again’ reaction.  We didn’t want our favorite toys tossed out when we were kids and we don’t want our favorite parks to be sold … even if we only play with them once a year.

Tulsa Parks said they couldn’t afford the upkeep any longer.  Their budget has dropped $10.5 million since 2001.

Before we sell our parks, we need to look at every option.  There are several other things Tulsa could sell to generate income:

•  ORU Hands

Terrify children in a new town as storm clouds illuminate every vein on those iron hands.  Order today and we’ll toss in not one, but both feet that are rarely seen behind Walmart.

•  Biker Fox Bonds

Move into new markets, support Tulsa’s movie industry and expect millions in returns with Biker Fox Bonds.  Biker Bonds would be secure, convertible with Arrow Trucking Company and SemGroup, and mature in about 50 years, much like Fox himself.

•  Bartlett’s Staff

Outsource press release writing, event coordinating and the Mayor’s Action Line to India.  Bartlett’s morning coffee and handjobs will have to be solo efforts.

•  East Tulsa

Close to dead malls, ghetto flea markets and questionable dining.  Visit 31st and Mingo for a personal look at upscale drive-by shootings.

•  Big Splash

Catering to the hairy-backed sloths for more than twenty years, Big Splash offers flash-in-the-pan teen concerts, high profits from failure to pay rent, and the occasional drowning.  With the current owner’s (Loretta Murphy) connection to the State Fair, a bonus discount at the denture center of your choice is included.

• Baked Goods

Bake sales work for schools and they’ll work for Tulsa.  Sell cupcakes, cookies, World’s Finest Chocolate bars and popcorn tins.  Elementary schools pimp their kids for money, it’s time for the city leaders to pimp themselves.

• Bags O’Gravel

With crumbling roads, the city has a never-ending surplus of gravel.  Bag It, Sell It, O’Gravel It.

• Taxidermy

Tulsa Zoo has Penguins on Parade, a popular fundraising effort to support the penguin exhibit.  When zoo animals die, rather than bury them, ship them to the taxidermist.  Perished on Parade.

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