10 Things Overheard at the Panty Burglar’s Raid

Residents in Rogers County are on the lookout for a panty bandit. Witnesses said a man and a woman driving an older midsized two-door, wearing furry things on their heads … ok, I made that up … were seen in the area when the burglaries occurred.

The panty robbers tend to leave behind big-ticket items such as televisions, but might take a laptop or two to search Amazon for more panties.  Mainly, they want your undies.

Anyone with information should go “ewww” and call police.

There isn’t much to go on, but based on information I’ve made up, there were 10 things overheard at the panty burglar’s raid:

10. “Just like mom’s.”

9. “What’s Jim Glover doing here?”

8. “My uncle Stan yells at squirrels.”

7. “I told you grandma went commando.”

6. “Crunch.”

5. “Only two pair away from completing my Lady Gaga collection.”

4. “This one’s shaped like a bacon strip.”

3. “Damn, these are in a knot.”

2. “They’re spandex Mr. Bartlett, they’re supposed to be tight.”

1. “Sniff.”