An Afternoon with Victor and the IRS Auditor

The IRS decides to audit Victor, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Victor shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Victor. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

Victor says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “No way! It’s a bet.”

Victor removes his prosthetic eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Victor says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Victor isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Victor removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Victor’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Victor asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefullyand decides there’s no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Victor stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditors desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. Victor’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. “Are you okay?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Victor told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official’s desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

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