Purple Nurples Still Legal In Oklahoma

If grabbing a man’s moobs is considered sexual battery, then I must’ve been repeatedly raped in high school.

An Oklahoma County District Court jury found former medical examiner investigator Kevin Rowland not guilty of sexual battery.

In December 2007 at a Mexican restaurant, during what I imagine to be a romantic candlelit dinner at Taco Bueno, Rowland squeezed the breast of a male co-worker.

The victim, Mr. Poopie Pants, said he was embarrassed and offended by the action.

I would be less embarrassed about someone grabbing my breasts and more embarrassed that I have breasts to grab.

If you’re a man with boobs, you have bigger worries … literally… such as locker rooms, leakage and why the media latched like an infant onto the word “breasts.”  Is there nothing behind those buttons that resemble pecs?

There are several innocent reasons as why this could’ve happened.

Depending on the thinness of the shirt, Rowland could’ve thought he was squeezing a lime on his burrito.

It could be a simple misunderstanding of the phrase “grow a pair.”

Or, maybe it was the victim’s fault.  He could have worn revealing clothing and brought unwanted attention to his man-boob body.

At least dinner wasn’t at Arby’s.  Who knows how they would’ve reacted to Horsey Sauce.

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