Excessive Heat Warning Survival Tips
June 22, 2010
As the summer heat brings us the overused phrases of “beat the heat,” “the heat is on” and “hot enough to fry an egg,” it also brings us high temperatures that feel like something they are not, called the Heat Index.
The Heat Index Chart takes the actual temperature and relative humidity to create a frightening number to urge the public to stay indoors. For example, the air temperature is 97º F. The relative humidity is 75%. The Heat Index is expected to reach 320º F.
One hundred years ago, excessive heat would’ve killed thousands of people … well … heat and poor sanitation. Today, we know better.
Here are some tips to survive the excessive heat:
- Strenuous activity should be increased and scheduled during the hottest part of the day. The intense heat will encourage you to get the work done faster, which means less time in the heat. Waiting until early morning while you’re tired, or evening after a couple of heat strokes, is more time consuming.
- Heavy tight clothes and thick sweaters help your body retain the cool sweat pouring from your glands. Dress for winter.
- Drink plenty of soda, coffee and alcohol to stay alert and happy.
- If your neighbors don’t have air conditioning, but you do, don’t invite them over. Once their body acclimates to the cooler air, they’ll die when they return home. Take them hot soup.
- Fight the urge to bake cookies with the heat of your car since every TV station will cover that in a clichéd news report.
- If you’re stuck outdoors, make a fist and pump it at the sun. The sun is overly sensitive and will hide behind a cloud.
- If you live in shiny-metal mobile home, do not place bacon or other meat on the walls. Grease fires aren’t confined to single homes. They can also destroy entire trailer parks. Heating fruit is still safe.
- If you’re in an elementary school, hide under a desk. That protective shield protects from nuclear attacks and extreme heat.
- Rest often in shady areas. Gang-members homes, massage parlors and City Hall will provide the most shadiness.
- If you accidently leave your pets in the car, baste them every 20 minutes.
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So, hot fruit is OK, meat is not?
Yes, hot fruit may burn once it scorns your flesh, but meat can cause a grease fire. The grease in fruit is minimal.
I shook my fist at the sun and it didn’t do any good. Now what?
Ignore it. My mother used to tell me to do that with bullies. She said if I ignored them, they would go away. Try ignoring the sun. Maybe it will leave.
I’m tempted to pray for some respite. Like the Evangelicals. But then it might work and I’d have to start a ministry and dress in white all the time and, well, you know where that goes. The next thing you know you’re banging hookers or guys, then it’s jail and disgrace and an untimely death…
your humor is wonderful; sarcastic,sly,witty,etc,etc
tulsa has so very much to laugh at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are metal slides still ok to send the kids out to play on? They were ok for us when we were young.
Yes. By burning off one layer of flesh, there is less body mass to heat up.