It’s not Farmville, It’s Doucheville

Normally reserved for lonely housewives and people mesmerized by neon lights, Farmville has become a hugely popular social media application with nearly 62 million addicts.

Game players manage a virtual farm by planting crops, raising livestock and hosting nightly orgies with farm animals.

The rest of us roll our eyes.

While Farmville players waste away with this time leecher, the anti-users need a game that we can play, yet provide an outlet of how we feel toward Farmville and its players.

Introducing … Doucheville.

Before your arrival to Doucheville, players create an avatar equipped with a popped collar, titled hat, and matching top and bottom sweats.

Upon arriving, it’s off to the virtual mirror for an iPhone self-picture.  Don’t forget to tilt your head down, angle your eyes up, and pout your lips as though you’re in a mid-seizure.  Pull up your shirt to properly display your abs.

Next, venture to Hot Topic where you can earn “douche coins.”  “Douche coins” are earned by selling indoor sunglasses.  The more indoor sunglasses you sell, the more experience points you earn, which increase the player’s level and unlock items and gifts.

Items include spray tans and Chinese letter tattoos around the arm.

As the game expands, unlike on Farmville, you don’t get more room.  In fact, everything shrinks.  Shirts become 2X too small.

However, like on Farmville, there are neighbors.  Players can invite neighbors to take pictures of each other flashing gang signs.  This also earns “douche coins” and experience points.

Finally, the ribbons.  After achieving a series of set tasks, players can obtain ribbons … ribbons soaked in gasoline that can be used to set fire to Farmville farms.

Die Farmville, Die.

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