Good Riddance Passive Aggressive Penis Breath

(My blogging leave of absence has ended.  I took on a new position at work and I’ve been busy settling in.  Now that I have a better feel for the position, I can pick up on the blog where I left off.  Mainly, irritated.  The following post is not to my former boss, but to my former boss’s boss.  Enjoy.)

You’re so incompetent that you can’t even die right.

You had a stroke.  Went to the hospital.  The doctor released you.  At home you had complications.  Died.  Went back to the hospital.  Coded three more times.  Then, you were back at work two weeks later.

Many commented on your resilience, and by many, I mean your secretary who spent her free time at your bedside giving you a ShamWow rubdown.  She filled her work-time gluing together a Hello Kitty scrapbook and practicing hand-jobs with baby carrots.

The rest of the office didn’t care.  We were relieved that soon there would be a new boss, but no…

… Satan kept his word and you continue to clock in.

For years you played your ego games with us, treated the office like a hierarchical system of nobility (you) versus the peasants (us), and believed anyone that’s not you could make an informed decision.

Actually, we played you.  Anytime you would ask us our opinion, we knew you would go the opposite route.  In fact, we often suggested the opposite of what we needed so you would make the right choice, or at least our choice.

Now that I’ve left, you can finally find someone with the right qualifications.  That is what you said, right?

“Now that you’re leaving, maybe we can find someone with the right qualifications.”

I successfully did the job for eight years, consistently received high scores on my annual reviews and landed a promotion, but I guess my qualifications did not suit your needs because I had the audacity to think for myself.  The person you need “with the right qualifications” is person who could never be a thinker or threat to your job.

I believe incompetence breeds incompetence, and that’s what you’ll recruit.  Since you wouldn’t recognize incompetence even if was in the form of incontinence and flowing through your Khakis, I won’t be missed. You’re mind cannot comprehend the idea of productive work, much like my dog will not understand the Theory of Relativity no matter how many treats I give her.

Ahh, and don’t let me forget that final day.

Thanks for that send-off and no-wishes of good luck.  Also, thanks for sneaking in the refrigerator and eating the rest of the going-away cake I planned to take home.  Yes, I know about the cake.  I also know that you’re important meeting that kept you from my party was lunch at Qdoba.

You’re calendar is public, after all.

I think what I’ll miss the most is … nothing.

Good riddance passive aggressive penis breath.

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