North Tulsa Grocery Store Reaches One-Year Anniversary, Tulsans Lose Bet

Much to the shock of Tulsans, Gateway Market reached its one-year anniversary Sunday.

Previously known as a “food desert,” a term coined by people who refuse to acknowledge the existence of Save-a-Lot or Justin Beiber’s vagina, North Tulsans believed they went centuries without food before the market opened.

Now, the food desert has turned into a lush landscape of American versions of Hispanic products, wide aisles to accommodate Saggers and 5 security guards for every 1 customer.

In a country where the size of many peoples waistline exceeds their IQ, I would think they would’ve been more grateful to not have a grocery store.  No groceries = no extra calories.

Nope.  People shopped and Gateway Market didn’t close 3 days after it opened, as predicted.

Like many of you, I lost a significant amount of money in office pools, online betting and fantasy foosball because of the one-year milestone.  Not really, but I did have to bathe a homeless person.

Nice man … or woman.  I’m not sure if the person had an innie or outie.

There’s still time to place your bets for anniversary number two.

My bid?  A clay sculpture of Dewey Bartlett wearing a Banana Hammock.