Sheridan Terrace is one of the country’s premier areas for the study of apartment dwelling cart collectors.

The complex successfully captures the negative images and common misconceptions of government-assisted living.

This collection features nearly 20 shopping carts imported from Bigé Lotus!, Sav – a – Loté and Brauhm’s.

The Shopping Carts of Sheridan Terrace runs through August of two-thousand-whenever.  It’s located one block north and east of 21^st and Sheridan.

Let’s take a look.  Shall we?

• The collected masterworks from Bigé Lotus!  Notice how the symmetry creates a harmonious and aesthetically pleasing balance.

• This piece covers the work of Brauhm’s. 

• Functionality is the key to this portion of the collection.  Beauty, perfection and storage.

• A statement about the isolation and insignificance that many people feel.

• A rarity from Doloor Generalés.

• This cart glistens as result of the artist’s positioning of the cart with the sun to eliciting a distinct luminous effect.

• The delicate and intricate work is an ode to the Clearance Sun God. 

• Tension and energy are created with this artist’s use of the classic Rule of Thirds.

Fin.

Dear Irritated Tulsan,

Hey you jackwagon, that is my home town. That is the school mascot in the street. I’m sure that Tulsa doesn’t have a drug problem or problem in leadership. That building and many more a rep historic to the town and won’t be torn down. I guess we should go tear all the old buildings in Rules down. I don’t know where you read about the crack, we have a meth problem, just like every town in Oklahoma. The leaders of this great city of Tingling Oklahoma are just underpaid for the task they are faced with. I’m not sure why you would make fun of any town. Just no class I guess.

Ray

Dear Ray Ray,

Can I call you Ray Ray?  I can’t?  Oh well.  I plan to anyway.  Thank you for writing in Ray Ray.  Since that post you responded to is 28 months old, I had forgotten Ringling existed.  Or as you call it, Tingling Oklahoma.   I guess Tingling is a more accurate name.  I want to say thank you for correcting my information.  I said Ringling had a crack problem.  I should’ve said meth problem.  I never meant to put your town in a bad light.  I get it now.  Crack=Bad.  Meth=Not so bad.

Sincerely,
Jerry

Anyone who is at risk of major illnesses; such as cancer, Alzheimer’s or the crazies; can worry earlier in life thanks to home-DNA testing kits.

It’s called Identigene DNA Paternity Test Collection Kit, but it’s not really marketed for early detection.  It’s marketed for late detection.

For $29.99, you can swab the mouth of your child, the mouth of the potential baby daddy and mail the sample to a secret lab.  It’s a spit-based method for DNA identification.  This may confuse some users because spit-based methods don’t normally result in pregnancy.

“Her sister’s baby daddy was the father! YEYYY!!! ,” “… the results were in with good news!!!!! I wasn’t the daddy!” and “I’m still not clear on what these sores are” are some of the reviews from the Walgreens Web site.

Rather than go through the trouble of DNA home-testing, which I’m sure Walmart will soon offer in bulk, I may have a better solution.  It’s called the ‘Don’t Be a Slut’ Theory.

Sexy vixen scientists, such as those seen on Castle or the many CSIs, hypothesize that if you’re less slutty, the chances of becoming pregnant decrease.

Scientists also report a link between using birth control and questions of paternity.  Couples who used condoms were less likely to need a DNA test.  Couples who smelled of vodka, repeatedly smooshed their genitals in the back bedroom without protection and watched Maury Povich were more likely to need a DNA test.

Still, the reason why irresponsible uneducated heathens can pop out children like lawn sprinkles versus couples who would make great parents and truly want a child and cannot get pregnant is not known.

Researchers hope to publish their findings in either the New England Journal of Medicine or Highlights for Kids.

Why should I complain?  I should have appreciated the view of your wife’s tan and leathery muffin top.  It was at my eye-level, after all.  I should be impressed that after having two kids, well, two that the state hasn’t taken, that her muffin top only drapes one inch below her waist line.  How fortunate that when she wears that bikini top, the mirror reflection is Katy Perry. We see the Crypt Keeper with crispy bangs.

Hearing the fireworks was good enough for me.

Actually, it wasn’t.

I wasn’t one of the insane people that went to Riverside 12 hours before the show.  I went two.  Two hours.  That gave me enough time to find a good spot, visit with family and eat my sandwich.

I had a good view, a decent 98-degree breeze and a comfortable chair.  But, no.  Between wranglin’ the kids, settin’ the TV recorder for rasslin’ and pickin’ up two 6-packs of Old Milwaukee, you weren’t able to get there before the show started.

What River Parks needs are designated areas based on time.

If you arrive two hours early, you sit near the bank.  If you arrive one hour early, you can sit near the street.  If you arrive at the last minute, you can go f*** yourself.

I hope you get malaria.

The Grand River Dam Authority has warned people not to swim nor ski in Grand Lake due to an outbreak of blue-green algae.

This variety of algae is toxic.  It can cause respiratory infections, vomiting and diarrhea.  Followed by (in order) jazz hands, loss of muscular coordination, coma, death and reanimation.

Jim Inhofe believes he became ill after swimming in the lake.  I suspect it might be the other way around.

Despite the warnings, Mary Fallin encouraged lake-goers to visit the lake during the July 4th weekend.  She’s concerned about the economic impact of the water issue.  Guess what else tends to have negative impacts?  Death.

Although the holiday weekend has passed, summer has just begun.  There are several months of hot Oklahoma weather left to visit a lake that you shouldn’t swim in.  If you do go into the water, here are some helpful tips to make the outing safe and fun:

1. Learn to swim.  The swirling motion of your arms will push the blue-green algae safely to the side.
2. Unattractive swimmers should take precautions to not post Facebook photos of themselves holding a beer can while drunk.
3. Pay close attention to local weather conditions.  Stop swimming at the first sign of the Apocolypse or during snow.
4. Develop a float plan.  Encourage friends or relatives that you dislike to give you details about where they will be and how long they will be gone.  If an emergency should arise, you can delay contacting help and rid the world of those soulless heathens.
5. If your children go near the water, ignore them.  You let them run wild through your house and Walmart. Why start paying attention now?
6. Lake covers should always be removed prior to lake use.
7. If using a boat, ensure the life jacket is the appropriate size and right fit for the cooler.
8. Food bags should be hung a minimum of 10 feet above the ground to prevent the blue-green algae from moving onto land.  If the algae does move toward your tent or camper, shoo it away.
9. Bring along extra safety items such as bottled water, flashlights, a cell phone and condoms.
10. If your skin comes in contact with the blue-green algae: Stop, Drop and Rollover.

Nice example you’re setting Jenks, Union and Broken Arrow.  Since your school districts feel that you don’t to need to follow the rules, maybe your students can decide which rules they want to follow.

Several local school districts voted against following a state law that requires public schools to provide funding for special needs students to attend private schools.

Tulsa Public Schools, Owasso and Bixby originally decided to ignore the state law, much like how I ignore the woman outside QuikTrip who needs a dollar for gas to get home so she can feed her baby, Crack.

Those districts changed their mind and are now complying with HB3393, which is odd because if it something makes sense, they tend to do the opposite.

The last I checked, school boards don’t supersede state law, the courts or the Oklahoma constitution.  I could be wrong.

Now, if you can pick and choose your rules of civic engagement, the students should be able to pick theirs.

First, students skipping school should no longer be an offense.  The U.S. frowns upon kidnapping.  No one should be held against their will.  Ask any blond Caucasian abductee.

Second, smoking.  It’s relaxing, calming and can add a nice shade of yellow to the walls.  Who doesn’t want calm students set in a room where fluorescent lighting reflects off stained walls for a skin-smoothing candlelit glow?

Finally, teacher stabbings.  Self defense on the students part.

See, it’s easy to choose what rules you want to follow.

As educators, I would think the school districts would want what’s best for their students.  I doubt that students with special needs will succeed in a class filled with 30 or more classmates.  School districts forgot this when they laid off hundreds of teachers.

This simply comes down to money.  They don’t want to share.  Their funds are better spent on sports equipment and high-paid administrators who would fall into fetal position and soil themselves upon entering a classroom.

If public schools are concerned about money, how about fewer $100,000 a year positions … oops, that would make sense.

Much to the shock of Tulsans, Gateway Market reached its one-year anniversary Sunday.

Previously known as a “food desert,” a term coined by people who refuse to acknowledge the existence of Save-a-Lot or Justin Beiber’s vagina, North Tulsans believed they went centuries without food before the market opened.

Now, the food desert has turned into a lush landscape of American versions of Hispanic products, wide aisles to accommodate Saggers and 5 security guards for every 1 customer.

In a country where the size of many peoples waistline exceeds their IQ, I would think they would’ve been more grateful to not have a grocery store.  No groceries = no extra calories.

Nope.  People shopped and Gateway Market didn’t close 3 days after it opened, as predicted.

Like many of you, I lost a significant amount of money in office pools, online betting and fantasy foosball because of the one-year milestone.  Not really, but I did have to bathe a homeless person.

Nice man … or woman.  I’m not sure if the person had an innie or outie.

There’s still time to place your bets for anniversary number two.

My bid?  A clay sculpture of Dewey Bartlett wearing a Banana Hammock.

And the charge is child neglect? Not manslaughter, but child neglect.

There are four types of child neglect:  Physical, Educational, Emotional and Medical.  Death is not listed as child neglect.

Is this charge due to a technicality since these needs can no longer be met?  It isn’t easy to send the deceased to school, understand their emotions, put them on your medical insurance or give them exercise … unless your name’s Bernie.

District Attorney Rick Esser said he charged Fiddler with child neglect because of the harsher sentence.  Second-degree manslaughter carries up to four-years in prison while child neglect can be a life sentence.

While the media, law enforcement and DHS work out the details of this horrific crime, I’ll focus on my personal conflict with this story … who the hell slept with her?

She has two other kids.  Someone tapped that, repeatedly.

Were the fathers born without a head?  Even a blind person can spot a meth-face.  She’s a 26-year-old trapped in the body of a dying Luby’s customer.

Her face looks as though ten pounds of jowls dangled off her jaw and were secured behind her head with a staple gun.  Almost like a circumcision gone horribly wrong.

Fiddler’s half human and half Shar-Pei.

Plus, have there been no reports of men’s penises falling off at the health clinic?  She tested positive for methamphetamine, amphetamines, benzodiazepine and opiates.  That chemical concoction, mixed with whatever else is crawling through her cave walls, is not a hospitable environment for foreign flesh.

Why was she not spayed?  No one listens to Bob Barker.

Marriage felt nice in theory, but I didn’t realize the struggle my wife Carol and I would face trying to merge our two families…

Jump over to The Lost Ogle to finish this post.